13 random things

1. I'm crampy and a little crabby today, but since I haven't said much in the past week, I'll try to update you on some things I've been thinking and doing.

2. Last weekend was productive, even if our big project was a bit like putting lipstick on a pig. We took our vintage 1970s green bathroom and dressed it up a little bit with paint, and a new light fixture, new towel bars and a new medicine cabinet. It looks much nicer, but the green and white swirls in the sink are still a bit nauseating if you stare at them too long.

3. We also tore out most of the evil bushes on the side of our house. They were growing out of control, plus they have this obnoxious dust that itches and gets in my eyes when I'm doing yard work. Very happy they're gone.

4. We had a new sign installed in our reception area at work yesterday. When I came in today, it had already been torn down. Opps. Someone didn't spell check it. I guess "Blood Mangement" didn't fly too well with the powers that be. Sounds like something that might be contagious.

5. A black Sharpie marker can work wonders. I was *forced* to buy something at a mall store that insists on putting their logo on their clothes in rhinestones. That black Sharpie did an amazing job of toning down the sparkle. I wonder if it will last through the wash?

6. I hate stores with annoyingly restrictive return policies. Fourteen days? Same day exchange only? I can't even get an in-store credit? I can't take that credit to your sister store in the same mall? You've lost me as a return customer. Forever. Don't believe me? Just ask Macy's.

7. I still haven't forgiven Macy's for renaming the State Street Marshall Field's store in Chicago.

8. Did I mention that I am crampy and crabby today? Fibroids. I haz em. Stupid fibroids.(Sorry if that's TMI.)

9. I was supposed to get a mammogram this week. It would have been a perfect writeup for Breast Cancer Awareness month (remember the whole Pink for October thing?), but I had to cancel the appointment. The ritual boob smashing will have to be done another day. I don't know when yet, though.

10. I hate being crabby. I need to snap myself out of it. I think I'll go read some I Can Has Cheezburger and I Has a Hotdog. Or some Daisy the Curly Cat. That always helps.

11. Oh yeah, like I could forget. I have to train most of the office in a new software application next week. Me. Train the office. I've mentioned it several times before, but you may not have noticed: Public speaking makes me really nervous.

12. Yep. Daisy is helping my mood. The fifth photo down really cracks me up, with all the food covering her face. :)

13. Yay! It's lunch time. Thanksgiving Everyday soup. My favorite. The day is definitely looking up.

My worst nightmare actually turned out kind of funny

Public speaking. A common enough phobia.

Friends and co-workers told me that I actually wasn't aweful at it. That I hid my nervousness well. But I didn't feel that way. I'm terrified at the thought of getting up in front of people and not knowing what to say.

Last year I took a few classes to help me feel better prepared for public speaking. I was tired of feeling limited by my fears.

I took a four-week presentations class at the local community college, then followed that up with a five-week acting for non-actors class. Funny thing was, people who do a lot of public speaking were terrified at the idea of taking the acting class with me. Personally, I saw no difference. Public speaking was public speaking -- terrifying no matter what kind. So I took that acting class alone.

And I discovered that I wasn't too bad. Some people actually said I was funny. Quiet, little me -- funny?

Anyway, that's a long lead-in to this story.

Labor Day. Five weeks ago. Wookie was in town (thank you for the photos!) and a group of us went to the closing day at the Bristol Renaissance Faire.

We decided to watch a show for a comedian/acrobat named MooNiE. Very funny. He doesn't talk much at all -- most of the show is communicated through body language.


Then MooNiE brought someone up on stage to help with a skit. As I watched, I ran through the possibilities in my head: What if I get dragged up? Unlikely, since we're near the back. But what if? Obviously, play along. He wants his skit to succeed and won't set it up for failure. But, WHAT IF? You've taken a class. You've done improvisation comedy. You can handle it. Just play along and roll with it.

Good thing I had that internal dialogue. Because, not three minutes later, MooNiE tapped me on the shoulder to go on stage with him.

Deep breath. Carefully give sunglasses and purse to husband. Calmly walk up to the stage. Ignore the crowd. Watch MooNiE for cues.

Thank you, he mouths to me.

I smile. (I'm pretty sure I smile.)

He produces two red paper cocktail napkins. Hands one to me. Keeps one himself. Indicates I should follow his example.

Twist. Twist. Twist. Make a tiny tear. Twist. Twist. Twist. Shape the top.

OK, I'm doing my best to follow.

He shows me his napkin. It now looks like a pretty little red rose. A look of flirtatious pride lights his face.

I show him my napkin. It now looks like a limp and twisted red paper cocktail napkin. He looks crestfallen. The crowd laughs. He takes my napkin and tosses it aside.

Then he makes a big to-do about presenting me with the rose. He offers it, then pulls it away. Offers it again. I play along. Each time trying to take it, knowing that he'll flirtatiously pull it away again. Each time the crowd laughs. Each time I laugh.

He gets down on one knee and offers the rose. He kisses my cheek then offers the rose. Then he indicates that I should kiss his cheek.

It's blazing hot. There's sweat dripping down his face. I feel the need to improvise. Oh, no. I look reluctant. I reach forward and wipe the sweat from his cheek. Ah-ha! He laughs.

He runs forward, grabs a towel and wipes his face. He returns to me and presents his now-dried cheek. OK. I lean forward to kiss him.

He turns his head. I end up kissing his lips. D'oh! I didn't see that coming. I *should* have seen it coming.

I laugh. The crowd laughs. He hands me the rose and leads me off stage.

Whew! I'd survived.

"You did good," my husband said as I sat down. "You were funny."

"I've never seen anyone do that before," said the stranger next to me, who's evidently seen the show multiple times before.

I was happy. I'd face my fear. I hadn't died onstage. Two years ago, I never would have done it. But, that day, my worst nightmare actually turned out kind of funny.